Level 1.5

Well, here I am I should of done this in the morning when I'm fresh but what the hell its 2 am and I'm sober! Woot night owls rule. I guess I will spill the beans a bit then go from there.

Lets talk about me and only me for a bit. I am a bum and one of the laziest people you will ever meet. Oh I am surprised that I got the motivation to write this. Why am I lazy? Honestly, its cuz that I am not really good at anything. Ok at a lot of stuff but never any good to be really proud of what I have done. Currently I am living up in (edit to protect locaton) and have applied to several jobs at CompanyX. What is sad is the job agent stopped sending me jobs. Hehe talk about rejection. Oh well I'm more of a small business kind of guy. Also I will be moving back to Vancouver Washington in the coming days. Five and a half years of a failed relationship, sucks. Life goes on ya know. So, its back to my home town. My ex put a restraining order on me for a week and a half. The sad part was that she filed while I was over a thousand miles away. ---------------What was the hardest part, she brought up my past in this order. I openly shared my past with her and I comes back to haunt me. I would like to clarify that I have not harmed her in anyway. I actually was using some references in an argument about a guy that she has a big crush on. (edit to protect peoples feelings)

I was just talking to one of my friends about relationships and I have come to the conclusion that honesty is NOT the best option. From now on I have been with 2 women and that it. I am not friends with those 2 women and I cant stand them. I honestly don't know why women are afraid of ex's that I associate with. I mean if they still want to talk to me I can't be that bad of a guy.

Sipping on some nice Macallan right now. Man I love a good scotch. My friend Mark got me into scotch. He was a good guy. He was my first real friend to kill himself. This was the only point in my life so far where I have completely broke down and just cried, wept, bawled if you will. The hardest part was that he was recovering from addiction and having real trouble with depression. The day before he shot himself I came across a link that someone posted on one of my website haunts. They spoke of the pain of addiction and the ensuing depression that comes with recovery. They spoke of suicide, the escape. It went on with people giving reassurances that the pain would go away in time. I thought about sending him this link for encouragement but put it off cuz I'm lazy. The next day he shot himself. I know that he had already made up his mind some time before. But, I just feel that maybe just maybe he could of read it and changed his mind. I still live with this guilt.